Christina Davidson and Frank Tucci, two people who have each suffered tragic losses and were able to battle through their tragedies, will exchange vows live in front of millions of people at the Academy of Country Music Awards tonight.

Their story in incredible and has touched my life on a personal level.

Tragedy

Christina and Frank both lost their spouses at a young age. Christina’s husband, Paul, hit his head and drowned in three feet of water while on a canoe trip. At the time of his death, Christina had a toddler and was seven months pregnant with their second child. They had just bought a house and were excited to start the next stage of their lives together.

Frank’s wife, Danielle, fell victim to thyroid cancer, taking her away from Frank and their young son much too soon.

Hope

When Christina lost Paul, she sought out the support of other grieving widows and widowers but found that most support groups had older attendees. With one young child already and one on the way, she found it hard to relate to those who weren’t in the same stage of life as her. It was then that she decided to start a young widow and widowers support group to help other young people deal with the loss of their spouses. Frank was one of the widowers who first attended Christina’s group and it was there that Christina and Frank’s friendship (and eventual courtship) began.

This is where the story turns personal. As you may know, I lost my dad in July 2010. With his passing, he left behind my grieving step-mom and my seven-year-old sister. A few months after he passed away, my step-mom heard about Christina’s support group and decided to go and see what it was all about. She has been going ever since and the group has helped her deal with the unexpected loss of my dad.

Love

Not only has Christina helped my step-mom and the other members of the support group, but she has also helped herself. Love was something Christina never thought she would find again. But from tragedy, she found hope. And from hope, she found love.

“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”

Who can you light a lamp for today?

To read more about Christina and Frank’s story, click here.

Photo by [F]oxymoron

Last night, I joined millions of others around the globe and tuned into the Grammys.

Say what you want about the show as a whole, but there was an epic moment that I just can’t stop thinking about.

Foo Fighters won the Grammy for Best Rock Performance and their frontman, Dave Grohl, shared some words that got me totally fired up.

Check it out (fast forward to about 2:19 to get to the good stuff):

Wow.

What YOU Can Take Away From Grohl’s Words of Wisdom

1. Being perfect is completely overrated.
2. Being knowledgeable is (also) completely overrated.
3. The act of passionate creation is more important than the final product.
4. If you are perfect but lack passion, you have failed.

And to think, I was never a huge Foo Fighters fan…until now.

UPDATE: Dave’s speech inspired me to check out the Foo Fighters documentary, Back and Forth. I was able to DVR it from Palladia. It was nothing short of amazing. You can check out the trailer here.

Photo by flimsical

Exactly eighteen months ago was the beginning of the saddest 24 hours of my life.

July 26, 2010

It was my second wedding anniversary and my husband and I had spent the day in Philly. We first caught a game at Citizens Bank Park. The Phils played the Rockies and won 5-4. Good game and good seats. We then ventured into the city and grabbed an early dinner at my favorite outdoor bar. It was an awesome day.

We returned home around 7:00 pm and shortly there after, I received a call that my Dad was heading to the hospital. He had been sick for a few months, but he was planning to return to work in just a few weeks. My step-mom was driving him there so it wasn’t anything too serious. They told me to just stay home and wait to see if he was going to be admitted or not.

About a half an hour later, I received a call from my Aunt. She was clearly crying and told me I needed to come to the hospital right away. I asked her what had happened and she wouldn’t tell me.

The one thing I hate is secrets. If something is going on, I want to know about it. But I didn’t hound her.

It was a thirty-five minute drive. When we arrived, my step-mom was outside with her sisters. As soon as we got out of the car, she proceeded to tell me my Dad’s heart stopped about five minutes after he had arrived at the hospital. The doctors had to work very hard, but they were able to get it started again.

They had a private waiting room available for my family. It’s a good thing because I have a large family and we were all there. A doctor came in to give us an update. She didn’t even know my Dad’s name. She was rude and inconsiderate, informing us that the emergency room was packed and that they were short on doctors. I’m not sure why she would feel the need to tell the family of a man whose heart stopped that they don’t have enough doctors. Not much more information was given except that they were prepping him for an ICU room and we should be able to see him shortly.

After a couple of hours, he was ready in ICU. He was on full life support and looked nothing like himself. It finally came to the point where they told us he most likely would not make it. He was forty-nine years old.

The next morning we made the decision to end his life support. I was in the room when they did. I watched him die. And that wasn’t even the hardest part of my day.

After it was over, we all went home to try and sleep since we were up all night at the hospital. I couldn’t sleep so I just sat on the couch and watched movies. I couldn’t cry much because I was all cried out. I couldn’t eat because I wasn’t hungry.

I would hear my husband call his family and our friends with the dreadful news, but I was pretty numb to the whole thing since I was too busy worrying about the dreadful thing I had to do later that day.

It finally came time to face the most difficult moment of my life. I got showered, dressed, and hopped into my husband’s truck. We drove the thirty minutes discussing exactly how we were going to do this. Unfortunately, there was no book, expert, or blog that could help us face what we needed to face.

I walked into my Dad’s house and they were waiting for us.

That’s when I told tell my seven-year-old sister that her Dad was dead.

Our Dad was her best friend. They did everything together. Her best friend was dead.

She really had no emotion about it. I cried (a lot) and she said matter-of-factly that Daddy was in heaven. She then showed me her new Silly Bands. I still have the three she gave me that day.

The Important Things

I am just as guilty as anyone for worrying about the “stupid shit” in life.

I worry about that email I haven’t replied to yet. I worry about whether someone will like the design I come up with for them. I worry about the embarrassment I may face while speaking in front of a group of people.

But at the end of the day, all of these things are not worth worrying about – not even for one second.

I watched my Dad die. I told my seven-year-old sister her best friend was dead.

I’m not telling you this story to make you feel sorry for me. I’m telling you this to make sure you give importance to the things that matter to you. Worrying about the mundane things in life will get you nowhere. Focus on the important ones and put all of your energy into making them count.

A month ago today, I was supposed to go back to being a teacher. Instead, I chose to be a solopreneur.

The past month has had its ups and downs. My web design business has been going great. I received an overwhelming positive response for Riding Solo (thank you for that!) I even had time to start brainstorming some new projects I plan to unveil within the next few weeks.

However, I haven’t felt alive. Something is missing and I think I know the culprit.

The Number One Reason People Choose to Be a Solopreneur in the First Place

I’ve had the opportunity to ask many people why they decided to leave their jobs to pursue solopreneurship. Want to know the number one answer I heard?

“I wanted freedom.”

And yet, too much freedom is what’s killing me.

Why Too Much Freedom is a Problem

Too much freedom leads to procrastination. Which in turn, leads to not getting shit done.

Right now, I’m working haphazardly. I stay up late, sleep in, don’t eat because I’m too lazy to cook, and have no routine whatsoever. This lack of routine is taking a toll on my productivity and I need to do something about it.

How YOU Can Help

What is ONE piece of advice you can give me (and other solopreneurs) about getting into a routine?

Tell us your one tip in the comments below. Then, share this on Twitter and Facebook…..every piece of advice helps

Photo by Joe Lanman

Oh, how I loathe Beer Goggles. You’ve been drinking all night, and all of sudden, the nerdy guy from across the room has morphed into David Beckham. Next thing you know, you’re making out with him, and your friends can’t get your drunk ass out of the bar.

Then, the morning comes around. You wake up in a panic realizing that you spent last night smooching Steve Urkel. Not to mention, you gave him your number. It’s been nine hours since you’ve last seen him, and he has texted you a whopping *twenty-seven* times.

Stupid Beer Goggles.

When I left my job to become a solopreneur, I caught a *bad* case of Retirement Goggles. They’re kind of like Beer Goggles but without the hangover. And let me tell you, these Goggles can seriously alter your life if you don’t do something about them.

What the Heck Are Retirement Goggles?

Retirement Goggles are very similar to Beer Goggles. They arise when you are ready to leave a job and next thing you know, it starts to look like the greatest job on the face of the planet. You only see the wonderful things about it and then seriously consider not leaving after all.

Your friends try to talk some sense into you, but you don’t see what they see. You somehow forget everything that made you want to leave in the first place. Your judgment is clouded, and you’re stuck in a fog.

I had a case of Retirement Goggles when I quit my teaching job to become a solopreneur.

I planned for the day I would quit for nine months – nine long months. And when it came time to do it, I ran through all of the wonderful things about my job in my head – the awesome kids, the goofy conversations we had, the fun lunches with my fellow teachers, the feeling I had the last day of school when the whole summer was ahead of me.

I thought, “I’m going to leave all of this behind….but I love this!”

My job looked like Beckham, and I wasn’t going to let it go. I mean, who could possibly give up David Beckham?! He’s such as stud!

My case of Retirement Goggles was SO bad that I met with my boss to tell him I was resigning, did in fact tell him I was resigning, and walked out of the meeting without resigning. I actually had to quit (again) the next day. What a mess.

It turns out, my friends were right. My job was actually Urkel – and boy am I glad I realized that sooner than later.

Why You Need to Take Off The Goggles If You Want to Start Living Your Dream

You need to realize that Retirement Goggles, like Beer Goggles, prevent you from seeing things clearly. They cloud your judgment and make you see things in the wrong light.

You need to break through the fogginess if you ever want to live your dream.

I’m not going to lie. It isn’t going to be easy. You may miss your old job. You may even have second thoughts. I sure did.

But that’s the fear talking.

The fear that the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
The fear that you may not succeed.
The fear that you could be making the worst decision of your life.

But I want you to know, even if it is the worst decision of your life, it is a decision you HAVE to make. If you don’t, you’ll never know what you could have achieved.

You’re capable of much more and deep down inside, you know it. However, the Goggles are trying to tell you otherwise.

You have to take them off.

Leave the fear behind, follow your heart, and don’t let The Goggles keep you from living your dreams.

Have you ever caught a case of The Goggles? I would love to hear about it in the comments below.

Most of us went to college with a dream of becoming someone. For me, it was a teacher. For others, it was a doctor, lawyer, accountant, writer, or marketer.

But what if your dream changes?

What if you become someone you never dreamed of being?

Last year, that happened to me.

I was a teacher for six years and all of a sudden, I was also a web designer. People would ask me what I did and I always responded with “I’m a teacher.”

My husband would have to explain that I also had my own web design business. I wouldn’t tell people about it because I didn’t feel as though I deserved that title. I mean, I went to college to be a teacher. I have over 600 students out there who have had Mrs. Cross as their cool math teacher. I was a teacher for so long.

How could I now be someone else?

The Three Hardest Words

Once I left my teaching job, I had no choice but to start identifying as a web designer. Which brings me to the hardest three words I’ve ever had to say:

I’m a designer.

Even though it didn’t feel right, it brought me one step closer to owning who I had inevitably become. Just because I’m now a designer, doesn’t mean I am no longer a teacher. I will always be a teacher. No one can take that away from me. But what’s the harm in being both?

What’s Your Three (or more) Hardest Words?

Your hardest three words may be different than mine but no matter what those words are, you need to start saying them if you dream of becoming them. Own who you are and realize that it doesn’t change who you have been.

Life is too short to say the same three words for the rest of your life.

What are your three words? Are you actively saying them or are you still working on owning who you have become? I would love to hear about them in the comments below.

Today is the first day of school. However, I didn’t show up.

Let me tell you why.

You may not know this but in addition to my thesis design business, I’m also an eighth grade math teacher.

I went to college straight out of high school, busted my cojones off, and graduated in four years with a double major and a minor. 156 credits in 4 years.

Pure craziness.

I’m certified to teach pretty much everything under the sun. You’ll be hard-pressed to find someone with as many certifications as I have. I was driven.

I was offered my first teaching job before I even graduated from college. It wasn’t my ideal job but at the time, teaching jobs in Jersey were nonexistent. The fact I was offered one was a miracle and it was a great opportunity to get my foot in the door. So I took it.

Later that same year, my “dream job” opened up. It was a middle school math teaching position at the exact middle school I attended as an attitude stricken preadolescent. My favorite teacher was going to be my mentor. Not to mention, my boyfriend was teaching there, too. Talk about things working out for a girl.

I taught there for over five years and during that time, things changed. Teaching changed. Life changed. I changed. The excited 22-year-old girl who was ready to take on the world was now long gone and I, along with my family and friends, were stuck with a lost 28-year-old who could barely get out of bed in the morning.

Something had to give. And what I did about it was viewed by some people as insane.

I didn’t show up for school today because I made the difficult decision not to return to teaching. A few months back, my good friend Willie Jackson gave me some great advice about the whole situation:

No job, person, or amount of money is worth your continued unhappiness.

And that, my friend, is why I’m currently riding solo.

I gave up my pension, benefits, salary, and job security. I gave up part of who I was.

Most people were indifferent about it. Some people were so excited for me that I thought they were going to pee their pants. Some others were ignorant and thought it was the stupidest decision I could ever make.

But you know what? Who the hell cares.

I gained something more important than all of that….

Happiness

Riding solo is about doing what you love and not trying to please a soul besides your own. It’s about the struggles. It’s about the triumphs.

It’s about loving life.

Are you currently riding solo? If so, how’s it going for you? If not, do you long for the day you can? I’d love to hear about it. Let’s talk in the comments below.